Multiverse: The Tale Of Doug and Greg
by TheUnsigned
Summary: Doug and Greg have a not-so-fun adventure in the Multiverse. Caroline gets a promotion and Cave Johnson is...Cave Johnson. Yes, the multiverse is EXACTLY like it is in science fiction horror stories.


**Title:** Multiverse: The Tale of Doug and Greg (Or: Caroline's Rise)

**Rating:** T

**Warnings/Pairings:** There's some gore here as well as bare boobies. No pairings in this fic - running for your life tends to pre-empt that, Character death.

**Summary:** Doug and Greg have a not-so-fun adventure in the Multiverse. Caroline gets a promotion.

**Disclaimer:** Portal and related belong to Valve and I'm making no profit off of this. The movie monster in this (Nope, not telling) kinnnnda belongs to me.

* * *

Doug Rattmann had heard the word 'crazy' levelled at him before, but he always firmly believed it came part and parcel with scientific curiosity. If it was madness to want to travel to alternate realities, he would still go, even with all the potential threats and dangers it presented. It was why he, along with half the senior staff at Aperture had volunteered instead of leaving it to the hobos.

At first, it looked like things were going to go well. Doug didn't know the man personally but he was aware of the clumsy, rather nervous fellow whom they had sent to 'test the waters'. After all, Cave Johnson was no fool and he would not be going in or losing his best employees without a test run.

He'd left spluttering and scared and actually begging them not to make him do this. He returned an instant company celebrity, almost full of himself with a rather cocky attitude. Whatever he'd seen or done in there had apparently been truly marvellous.

Doug had heard whispered stories about a giant robot that ran the entire facility but he didn't get a lot of time to ponder the issue as he was scrambling for a chance to be the next into the Multiverse.

Evidently, Wheatley's story was the exception, not the rule. The first group almost didn't return at all. Apparently not all the earths had an atmosphere comprised of primarily oxygen. Inspection of the contaminated clothing revealed trace amounts of methane.

They were more careful after that.

Doug had been paired up with a young, confident intern named Caroline. Very few women worked at the company and while she was good looking, he was relieved to find she was competent and smart: hired for more than just a pretty face. Caroline had been quite emotional over their adventure in the dying, struggling company that was the ruins of Aperture in that universe and she politely but firmly declined further trips after that.

So yes, he probably was 'crazy' to go a second time, but here he was standing next to Mr. Johnson's personal assistant, Greg wearing breathing apparatus and armed to the teeth with…a multiverse portal gun. Crazy didn't begin to cover it.

The first thing was that the atmosphere in this facility was breathable. He could remove his breathing apparatus which was great because it made communication much simpler.

"What do you think went on here?" Greg asked.

Doug could instantly see what he meant. Instead of the usual bustle of scientists and test subjects, the facility was dark and cold and eerily quiet. "I don't know, but let's be careful. There's lights on, that's a good sign."

"Well boys, how are things looking in there?" Both men jumped a mile as the voice of Cave Johnson boomed directly into their ears via the two way radio.

"It's quiet." Doug said simply.

There was an outraged roar down the line. "Not those Black Mesa sonsofbitches again! Greg! When you get back I want anyone who even LOOKS like they could be from Black Mesa fired. Drive the bastards out!"

Greg nodded with the practiced air of one who understood his boss' idiosyncrasies. "Okay sir."

At the same moment Doug piped up. "I don't think that's what we're seeing."

"Well then what is it?"

Greg had wandered a way up the corridor while they had been speaking to their boss and was examining a patch of wall. "Doug, I think you should get your ass over here."

The sound of his voice was rather small and quite unnerved. Upon drawing level with him, Rattmann could see why. In what appeared to be red paint, someone had scrawled one simple sentence:

_They've taken over everything._

"Gentlemen I want to know what that's talking about! See if we shouldn't be scrapping a project or five!"

There was only so much crazy one man could take and he was about to tell Mr. Johnoson where exactly he could shove this multiverse trip because he sure as hell was not walking unprotected into a lab full of 'somethings'. Besides, that writing on the wall seemed so strangely and eerily familiar, He knew he'd seen that untidy script somewhere before, but where?

"Yes Sir Mr. Johnson!"

And that was how Doug knew that he was going to be finding out what kind of somethings the people in this Aperture had been running from.

"Who knows, maybe whatever we're dealing with all died out after awhile." Greg suggested after a lengthy period of time simply walking with nothing to show for it, not even more cryptic wall messages. There appeared to be nothing to go on: no killer robots, no giant man-eating potatoes, absolutely nothing organic or dangerous…but no humans either.

"Let's head for the offices." Doug suggested. "There's not a lot of places to hide in the testing tracks."

The lift hummed steadily upward without a trace of resistance or signs of damaged mechanics. By all intents and purposes, there likely was something here if things were being maintained. Whether that was good or bad remained to be seen. Greg seemed fascinated by the whole experience but Doug was wary. His fingers were becoming sweaty inside of the Portal gun from gripping it too hard. He wasn't sure if he could defend himself with one if they did run into something but it made him feel better so he aimed it at the door as the lift drew level with the office complexes.

"Anything yet boys? Chariots chariots." Cave spoke up for the first time in awhile.

"Lights are on but no one's home Sir." Indeed, the office was well lit, bearing little of the same deserted dark quality of the lower levels. "If something's here, it's maintaining the facil….ggggugh! We found something sir."

Greg put a hand to his mouth as the stench hit them both, turning to empty the contents of his stomach into a nearby waste paper basket.

"Well?" Cave asked expectantly, then added "Chariots, chariots."

"I think it was a human." Doug managed. He plugged his nose with a hand and crept forward to prod the reeking pile with a boot tip and it slithered from the desk into a boneless, formless gelatinous mass, puddling behind the desk where he noticed a pile of clothing removed and sitting under the table. It hadn't been ripped off, it had been removed. Something about that fact struck him as significant. "It's like something out of a horror movie. He's just well…skin. Nothing inside."

Greg wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "There's some stuff inside 'cause I'm smelling it rotting." He muttered, spitting to get the last of the taste of his regurgitated breakfast out of his mouth.

"So there's something out there wearing humans as skin?"

"No Sir, it's not that. It didn't take the skin. It took what's inside."

There was a pause. "So, after sucking the guts out of this poor asshole, what did it do with them?"

Doug and Greg exchanged a glance. "We ah…don't know Sir."

"Keep looking!"

Further inspection of the office turned up nothing except a few more skins and discarded clothing. Finally after putting off the inevitable with many discreet glances to the largest door in the room they came to their inspection of the CEO's office with trepidation. Cave Johnson was a nutty bastard to be sure but neither of the two men were sure they wanted to see his skinless corpse splayed over the desk or what that might entail for their own futures in Aperture if it was.

They were not prepared for what lay inside the office' lobby.

"This one's not like the other ones were." The secretary sat, fully clothed with her skin decaying slowly as she slumped forward face down in a pool of long dried and encrusted blood. "They just killed her and left her." Greg walked around to take a peek at the body. It was simple to see from her flopped forward position and the blood splatters on the desk what had killed her: some kind of serrated knife wounds to the back of the neck. No murder weapon was in sight but the skin had puckered back around the cuts as it began the process of decay. "Wonder why they didn't skin her."

Doug thought back to the piles of discarded clothing. There was something important about them, but he couldn't put his finger on it just yet.

"Entering the CFO's office now, Sir." Apparently determined to be brave after his display of vomiting earlier, Greg pushed the door to the office open. He paused just inside.

"Well, hello there."

Doug looked up from his continued examination of the dead secretary's corpse. That was not what he'd been expecting. Digust or horror perhaps, but certainly not a warm, friendly-sounding greeting. It did not bode well.

The low, bird-like chirp of an actual reply from within made Doug freeze and startle as suddenly as if there had been a loud bang. Greg held his ground. Against every instinct Doug approached to peer over his shoulder.

"Aren't you a pretty girl?" Greg crooned.

"I think we just found what killed these people here Greg. I think we should be leaving right now."

Greg shrugged him off. "Aw, she's just lonely! Huh girl? Been cooped up in here for far too long, haven't you?"

As Doug watched the creature, he could have sworn it batted its eyes at them. That was if they could be called eyes. They were large jelly-like masses that erupted out of the top of its head, jet black and actually possibly blind. It also had antennae. Big feathery soft looking ones which it waved in their direction as they watched. Now that it was standing, Doug could see his companion had been right. It was a 'she'. It had long, shapely legs and a jutting prow and a curvy waist.

It was also a female that was totally and utterly naked which did admittedly kind of take away from the leaf green skin, the powerful, insectile hind legs and claw like hands.

Doug shook his head. He was a bigger man than this. A few mammary glands were not going to distract him from how dangerous this thing probably was.

Greg on the other hand was moving closer to it.

"Greg. Come on. We got what we came for. Bug people."

The other man was actually holding out his hand towards it. "Don't worry, I've got this. She's just a bug!"

The antennae twitched irritably. "I don't think you should be insulting the giant bug-woman, Greg. Come on. Leave it. It'll take two seconds to Portal out. Cave?" he added.

"Chariots, chariots." Came the reply.

"It's giant bug-people. We got what we came for, we're coming home. Greg, seriously, just stop trying to pet the naked bug woman!"

"No chance of making any money off this, would there be?" Cave mused. It was times like these when Doug wished his boss could be a sane normal boss for just a few seconds. Or that maybe Greg would start showing some sense. Apparently giant bug people plus boobs make men go crazy. "Nah."

Thankfully at least one stupid idea had been stopped for the present, Doug turned back toward the scene unfolding before him. Greg was unashamedly trailing a hand down the bug-woman's sternum. "See? She's sweet." He blew the questing antennae away from his face, causing the creature to chitter and mimic the motion.

Alright, the noises it made were rather cute but Doug had seen a couple of horror movies in his time and all of the perfectly adorable little critters always had big scary teeth and claws once they lured the hapless humans into complacency. Besides he was certain that he did not want those claw-hands with their serrated edges near any sensitive bits of his ana—oh. It suddenly all made sense. Those piles of clothing hadn't been pulled off, they'd been wilfully removed.

Shit. They were in a lot of danger.

"Greg? We need to get out of here, right now. RIGHT. NOW." He reiterated. Doug was well-renowned for not raising his voice and finally, finally Greg looked up, halfway through removing his shirt. "Do you even see yourself?"

The man stared down at his half-naked body. "When did I decide to do that?" he asked, shaking his head like someone waking up from a long sleep.

"Back towards me." Doug started talking at high speed. "I think they emit pheromones and ah, after that they mate with their victims. The woman out there was a threat, being another female and um, I think all our skinless victims were men. You DO remember what female preying mantises DO to men after having sex?"

Realization was beginning to dawn on Greg's face and he back-pedalled away from the creature more quickly, watching as it began to rub its claws together and hunch lower. "Doug…?"

"Just keep coming."

Quick as a flash, the mantis woman pounced. Greg yelled in surprise and pain, grappling to keep the deadly claws away from his face.

"DOUG! JESUS CHRIST! DOUG! HELP!"

Doug fumbled with his portal gun, running on pure adrenaline as a fine spray of blood misted him from where the mantis woman had gotten a shot in. Greg continued to yell and Doug just managed to trap her in an endless portal loop. Greg himself managed to roll away from the loop, a few weak turns of his body to flip him onto his front and away from the portal hole.

As the bug-woman screeched angrily at her perpetual state of free fall, Doug nervously stepped forward to examine his companion's wounds. There was a long, jagged cut along his collar bone and beads of blood welled up but it didn't seem fatal. The other man groaned in pain but clutched at the front of Doug's labcoat gratefully.

"You saved my life buddy." He choked out.

Doug began to help him up. "Let's get out of here."

"Not sure how many times you told me, but I'm listening now."

With that, Greg was ripped from his grasp by one very angry looking Mantis woman who was exceptionally annoyed about being cheated of her dinner, not to mention as Greg had probably rightfully deduced the first male she had seen in a long while. There was no time for the man to scream as with one sweep of her claw, the man's head fell backwards on a single flap of skin like a tin of beans being opened, her mouth opening wide to display an impressive set of dripping and slavering mandibles between those deceptively plump human-looking lips.

His name 'Rattmann' was a strangely unusual coincidence but Doug decided to do what rats to best when confronted by a predator. Run and hide.

Something struck him in the back of his head as he turned tail but he kept running. It wasn't until he had dived blindly into the lift that he realized that the horrible thing he had been smacked with was the empty shell of his dead companion.

"You okay in there? Chariots, chariots!" He had never been so glad to hear the voice of Mr. Johnson.

"I…I'm okay." Sheer adrenaline allowed him to answer. "I think you're going to need a new assistant. We have Mantis women in this universe and ah, they kind of…ate him. Can you get me out of here, Sir?"

"Just a second." Cave's voice went muffled for a moment. "Hey Caroline! You want a promotion?"

There was a soft surprised sounding reply that sounded like a "Yes Sir, Mr. Johnson."

"Wonderful. Pick up a clipboard and we'll get right on your first task: Saving Doug from a bunch of bug-eyed skirts."

A moment later Caroline's voice came in clear. I'm picking up life form readings close to the entry point. I think there's more."

Doug stared at the dead man's skin on the floor and remembered the glassy blind eyes of the mantis-woman. "Just get the entry point ready. I have a plan."

He retrieved the skin from the floor and tried not to think about how he was about to wear his dead partner's skin like a suit, but hopefully the mantis women wouldn't want to pick over an already cleaned out corpse. Slowly he stepped forward, clutching his Portal gun and praying to science and possibly a few gods for good measure that his plan would work.

Their feelers brushed him as he walked but everything seemed well. He'd predicted correctly, they only could taste used meat which held little value to them.

He drew near the entry point when two things happened at once.

"Hey Doug, how's the plan going?"

Cave wasn't even half way through his second reiteration of 'chariots' before they attacked.

"Cave no!" Caroline squealed a second too late. Cave Johnson's very loud, very male voice carried.

Doug started running, tripping over his Greg suit as he went.

One of them caught him on the shoulder – damn they were fast and he tumbled to the ground. It was all he could do to get up, open the Portal and he wound up getting an impromptu haircut as he dove through to land in a pile of abused flesh, his own blood and another man's skinned corpse.

He looked up to see Cave Johnson and Caroline staring at him with identical expressions of speechless horror (perhaps the first time Cave had ever been rendered thus.).

Caroline moved first. "You should go down to 'll give you some pills for the…trauma. Leave the…" she gestured vaguely at what he was wearing, turning her head. "We'll…put it in the incinerator. I'll notify Greg's next of kin, shall I, Mr. Johnson?"

As Doug picked himself up, he could just make out Cave. "Well, any idiot could tell you women are a problem. Except for you Caroline, you're working out great. I think we should make some modifications. How about getting the boys down in genetics to engineer some mantis-men. They'd make great motivators for test subjects, don't you think?"

Doug pulled out his bottle of pills and ate two of them dry before he could so much as hear the inevitable reply of 'Yes Mr. Johnson'.


End file.
